A Story Wherein A Man And A Woman Decide Enough Is Enough

Chapter 2

Over the years, people became accustomed to seeing a small woman with an extremely tall man walking down the street. Even Jack and Mildred got over their irrational prejudices and began to love their new neighbours. They had become extremely close over the years (that is, Jack and Mildred, not Biggie and Shorty. They were on the virge of divorce), and, at 17, began to think of Marriage. This was because it was the first time they had ever heard of the thing. School was an unnecessary luxury for the Underblooms, as was soap and pepper. This alone meant the the meals they cooked were tasteless, and they smelt like someone who just ate A LOT of fish, exploded, rotted for a while, was buried, rotted, was dug up, then smothered with the fiercest smelling animal faeces. But faeces have very little to do with this story, if anything at alll, and so they are left decomposing.
In fact, the only other friends that Mildred and Jack had, aside from each other, were Penguin-Pen-Pals. Penguin-Pen-Pals were, in a nutshell, people pretending to be penguins, so as to let small children correspond with something of another species. They were highly unpopular, as most people used Dogs for this. Granted, Dogs could barely use an ink covered paw to make their mark on a peice of paper, but it did the job. Jack's parents could not afford a Dog, as they were too poor. eBay had done it's dirty work, and run off with their money in exchange for second hand goods.
As mentioned, Jack and Mildred were contemplating marriage. Now, as they make this decision, one must bear in mind that Mildred had been living as an illegal alien in Shrovesburydale for 10 years, and her Conservative neighbours were becoming concerned that once she left home, she would get a council house and a nice television.

After thoughts, doubts, and misgivings, Jack and Mildred married. For the party afterwards, they all went to Iceland (the supermarket) and each guest was bought a 27p Arctic Roll. There was a small honeymoon, although it was only in Jack's parent's bedroom, so there was little to do. Bar water-skiing.

Time went on. In fact, 56 years went on, with little happening whatsoever. Most unfortunate for a writer of my calibre, you must agree. Although, after the 56 years, something incredible happened. A man from the home office came. He brought with him a mallet, a policeman, and a court order, telling the Underblooms they must appear in court at the 2nd ring of the church bell (Shrovesburydale has advanced little in the past 400 years). Of course, the Underblooms were in intrigue. What had caused them to be needed in court?

"Murder. First Degree Murder."

The words rang out across the neighbourhood like a swing of the executioner's axe. Incidentally, an axe muredering was going on next door, so it very probably was that that was ringing out.